Whenever I want to vent about my feelings of being in a long distance relationship I usually decide to keep it inside because I think about the friends I have who have been doing this the entire length of college, or the people who are separated by a greater distance, and suddenly I feel like I should just keep quiet because I don’t really have it that bad.
My boyfriend and I are roughly 6.5 hours away from each other. Due to the type of school he goes to, it makes it difficult for me to go visit him because I can’t stay with him at school. Not to mention, the time commitment and the obligations he has, restricts his ability to come visit whenever he wants. As a busy person myself, I get it, and I feel like we as a couple handle it pretty well, but there are definitely tough moments.
I think one of the harder parts is just not having an end point to the long distance. We don’t just go to different schools, we actually live in different states. There is no see “you at home during break,” like some other couples have to their advantage.Yeah, we both graduate in a year but that doesn’t mean we will be in a closer proximity any time soon. We both have things we want to do, and while sacrifices have to be made, personal goals are equally important.
To some degree, I don’t want to be a whiny person because I did choose this and I would choose
it him again a billion more times, but my feelings are valid, and I’m allowed to be sad sometimes. I’m thankful for modern technology such as texting and FaceTime, but nothing can replace your person being within arms distance of you. Below are a few things we do as a couple to make it a little easier.
- We talk everyday. A lot. This may seem like common sense, but I’ve heard many times from people that they don’t talk to their person everyday. My boy and I FaceTime at every moment possible, and of course text sporadically throughout the day. We joke that when we actually need to call each other we have to scroll really far down in our recent calls to find it. He wakes up at crazy hours in the morning, but we basically just learn each others daily schedules and try to chat for even 3-5 minutes every chance we get. Then at night we typically have a more extensive conversation. In the beginning of our relationship someone asked me if we had set boundaries for how often we will talk, and it really caught me off guard. In no way do I feel like he consumes too much of my life or like I put off things in my own life just to talk to him. It’s not like that at all. If one of us is busy we just say that. No biggie.
- We write letters. This was his idea and the second after he suggested it I was like wait, have you seen the movie Dear John!? (he hadn’t) But yeah, once a month we write each other letters and stick them in the actual mail with stamps and all! Haha! Its really nice to just get mail that isn’t bills and it is something I can hold on to that is a little more special than a screenshot of a nice text.
- We know each others expectations for the relationship . This also might sound like common sense, but really. If one of us does something that makes the other upset, we address it in the moment and move on. We don’t let things linger. If something is wrong you need to speak up so it can be fixed now. Honestly, we rarely argue and I really think this is why. We both have and understand what the other expects and we stick to it. This can work for big things like overall expectations for how one should be treated, or little things like my expectation for us to exchange some words in the morning. If you take the time to make it clear what you do and do not need from your person, then it can save you from future misunderstandings.
If you’re in a long distance relationship please share your experience or any tips you have found to work over time!